WILL HE CHANGE?

Q: My friend has had a problem with drugs and alcohol for several years now. I have only known him a little while, but he is the most unique person I have ever known! I love him and care about him, but I'm worried. I don't abuse alcohol and never use drugs. I want to help him when he gets out of jail in a couple of weeks. I need to know if he's really ready to quit all that nonsense and grow up and be a responsible adult. I don't want to waste any more time or energy on him if he's just going to screw up and go back to his old life. I believe he has potential, but I've been wrong before. I am not in any situation health-wise or financially to be betrayed or let down or possibly get into any trouble because of him. I don't want to be a fool, but I may be his only hope.

A: Thank you for sending in your question. Let's look at your friends' chart first.

He has the Sun in Pisces, adaptable and changeable, with a tendency to shift easily from one personality to another. His Moon (his emotional needs) is in Libra, longing to be in relationship with another. But his Moon is part of a stressful configuration involving Chiron and Mars, showing a deep wound in his ability to assert himself (Chiron/Mars), to feel safe and secure on an emotional level (Chiron/Moon) and a tendency to push people away as a result (Moon/Mars). Saturn also squares his Venus, which shows that on a deep level he doesn't believe that he deserves to be loved by anyone, and until he is able to build a sense of inner conflict he is likely to push away the people that love him the most. Leo is rising in his chart if his birthtime is correct, which shows he is fun to be with although he may have a tendency to be somewhat controlling in an effort to ensure his security. Mars in his chart is in the hard-working sign of Capricorn, so he does have the potential to do the difficult work of facing his emotional issues and becoming a more whole individual. But it is not the Pisces nature to follow the difficult road without some external motivation.

You have Cancer rising, so you like to take care of people. However, with your Aries Sun, Mercury and Moon your own needs must come first. You have Venus in Pisces (his Sun sign) and your friend has Venus in Aries (your Sun sign), so it is no mystery that you feel a strong compatibility! His Saturn is trine your Venus, showing that he feels a commitment to you on some level. However, Chiron in his chart is very closely conjunct your Moon and also your Mercury and Sun, showing that there is a potential for wounding as well as healing for you in this relationship.

He has been going through a transit of Chiron to Pluto in his chart, showing that he is better able to open up some of the old wounds he's been carrying for so long and expose them to sunlight where they can heal. This transit will continue throughout the rest of the year, and there are other planetary events that will support him in this endeavor. You, on the other hand, are in the middle of some challenging transits right now, even though your chart is a much easier one than his. Evidently your psychological makeup is usually not as complicated as his. However, you are going through some planetary cycles that concern me for you ta this time. Uranus, the planet that makes us want to change our life and do something radically different than we would normally do, is transiting Venus in your chart. Under this influence we often find romance with people that are very different than the ones we normally would choose. You are also in the middle of a stressful transit of Chiron to Uranus in your chart through the end of the year that could be causing some painful issues in your life, and a transit of Pluto to your Saturn which is shaking up all of the structures that you have built in your life.

My sense is that you have a healing influence on this person, but you must be certain that you have something to gain in the relationship as well. If there is not balance the relationship cannot work and in the long run neither of you will be helped by it. Your sense that you may be his only hope is of course not correct: he must be his own only hope. It's taken me a long time to realize this myself, but it is not our job to save anyone but ourselves. Each of us has our own destiny and our own path and you must focus squarely on your own destiny. This is particularly true because you are an Aries!!