Relationships

Balancing our individuality with intimacy in relationships

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This theme is coming up quite a bit these days in client consultations and is an experience many of us share:  How do we integrate our personal needs into the need to compromise and give up some things in our relationships?  In fact, this theme is built into the astrological chart on the ascendant/descendant axis that marks the cusp of the first house of personal identity and the seventh house of partnership. It’s been a long time since I saw a seesaw in a park (too dangerous?) but the balance point of a seesaw is the aim of all of the opposing astrological forces.  Until we find that balance point we end up seesaw-ing from one end to the other.

Howard Sasportas and Liz Greene coined the term the “freedom/closeness” dilemma (source) to describe the conflict between the basic need to attach and feel safe with another human being and the need to differentiate the Self and become more comfortable as an autonomous individual.  This is a process that begins in infancy but it can become distorted and corrupted in certain family situations.  But really, those of us with this dynamic were born with a propensity towards this conflict, and this is evident in our birthcharts.

Certain signs and planetary placements crave closeness and security, and others indicate a push for greater autonomy and freedom.  The water and earth signs tend to crave attachment and safety; the air and fire signs yearn for freedom and space.  Neptune, Venus and the Moon are connectors – Mars, Uranus and Jupiter are detachers.

Often in this kind of chart we see an individual who may be completely unaware of their need for space, who longs for connection but who […]

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By |2021-10-08T13:51:53-04:00October 15th, 2021|Relationships|0 Comments

Live-in relationships and the sixth house

sixth houseEvery Friday I dig into the archives for something interesting to share with you. This post has been updated from an earlier article.

A great article from Jeffrey Kishner illustrates the flexibility of house rulership in the astrological world of symbols.  It’s easy when we’re studying astrology to become rigid about certain things, like house rulers.  For example, we tend to always put relationships in the seventh house of marriage and partnership.  But relationships can fall under quite a few houses:  casual romances in the fifth house, making a home together in the fourth, sexual intimacy and joint financial ventures in the eighth, creating a business together in the tenth, and developing a solid friendship in the eleventh.

But when we’re living with someone else, the mundane realities that we find in the sixth house come into play.  As Jeff writes:

So much of a long-term relationship is the sharing of life on a day-to-day basis. The mundane, daily activities — grocery shopping, fixing up the house or apartment, taking the kids to soccer, reading the paper — are 6th house activities. They’re routine.

The routine can be comforting — it is often what draws people into relationships (e.g., “I want someone with whom I can share my bed every night”) — but it can also be stifling. Perhaps the question of whether an affair is “real” is whether this relationship can survive the 6th house experience. If you leave your boyfriend/husband for your lover and move in together, the habits might be different, but this is also when many of his flaws become apparent — those habits that annoy you.

The little details can be endearing, or they can drive you crazy.

Of course, you don’t have to live together […]

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By |2020-01-16T18:31:46-05:00January 17th, 2020|Life, Relationships|2 Comments

Why Miley Cyrus can’t settle down: An astrological view

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Miley Cyrus is an interesting character to me – born during the Uranus/Neptune conjunction of the early 1990s she is extremely talented and has been a star since the age of ten.  By the age of 18 she was #13 on the Forbes celebrity list.  But her very public scandals and relationship dramas make for an interesting astrological profile as you’ll see.  She came out as “pansexual” at the age of 14 (Saturn opposition) and has been identified as straight AND gay as well as gender fluid.

After a series of relationships, Miley began dating Liam Hemsworth in 2009.  Their on again/off again relationship led to a brief engagement, a breakup, marriage, followed by divorce this year.  To be honest, this is the kind of story that made me want to start this blog – my curiosity about why people are the way they are.

The early 1990s were a time of spiritual explosion and political confusion under the influence of a conjunction of Uranus (radical change) and Neptune (spirituality and illusion).  The Celestine Prophecy was published and New Age spirituality and delusion seeped into every aspect of the culture. Cults like the Branch Davidians, subject of a standoff with the FBI, emerged.  The Heavens Gate cult committed mass suicide on their way to join a UFO.  The first baby boomer president (Bill Clinton) and the first black president of South Africa (Nelson Mandela) were elected. JK Rowling started the Harry Potter books in 1992, and Ramtha, an entity channeled by JZ Knight, appeared on the scene and was championed by Shirley McLaine along with other celebrities, began a craze of channeled entities which included Seth, Abraham, Kryon and quite a few personages from the Pleiades.

In any event, Miley Cyrus is one of these incredibly creative beings […]

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By |2019-10-08T18:26:32-04:00October 8th, 2019|People, Relationships|3 Comments

Astrological advice: When will Jupiter bring me my ideal relationship?

astrological adviceEach week I answer a reader question using their astrological chart.  Because this service is designed to help as many people as possible, preference is given to questions which will have benefit and interest others.  If you have a burning question you think others will share, please email me and it will be considered! 

Q:
Jupiter has been transiting my seventh house since October 2017, I was expecting for a relationship to appear in my life. I was sure that just like Meghan Markle fell into Harry’s life, someone would fall into mine and vice versa. So I have been going to parties, pubs, weddings, meetings… any invitation I am saying yes (just like Jim Carrey in Yes Man movie), but nothing -besides drunk men- falls on my lap.

Jupiter is about to move to my 8th house and I am worried -frightened, indeed- that I will end up missing that experience in this life. I really want to marry and have a family of my own… but it looks like  no matter what I do, no matter where I go… I end up the same. I am up to the point where I am tired and just want to curl in my bed… I hate loud places, I hate going to parties where I am stalked by married men, I hate going to the beach to be asked by kids half my age, but I am scared that if I don’t, I will be missing this opportunity.

What are your thoughts on this? what piece of advice/light could you give me on this? Are my expectations on Jupiter wrong or too high?

A:

When I was single for about nine years after my divorce I too watched the passages of […]

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By |2019-11-10T19:39:06-05:00August 30th, 2018|Advice, Relationships|4 Comments

Soulmates: Are you really made for each other?

soulmatesAs an astrologer I am often asked for an analysis of compatibility between two charts.  “Is this person my soulmate?” is usually the way the question is phrased.  The idea that there is one perfect person who is just made for us, a “twin flame” as it is often described, is a captivating one.  We may feel that once we find this perfect person, who harmonizes with us in every way, we would feel whole and complete and our lives would be made more satisfactory.

What I have seen in the real world is that the longest lasting marriages are not the ones that are most harmonious astrologically.  In fact, some of the longest marriages are perhaps the least compatible.  In the real world we are drawn to people who have qualities which we ourselves do not – the partners that complement us rather than provide merely a mirror or reflection of ourselves.

So I found this article particularly interesting:

The concept of soul mates is so romantic. Think of Plato’s description of the original humans, with their four arms, four legs and single heads of two faces, which sounds maybe a little unsettling but becomes so sweet once the mortal puzzle pieces get separated in half and have to find one another to become whole again. Why wouldn’t anyone want to be with someone who was made for them in heaven?

Well, because taking that view of a relationship could ultimately contribute to the couple’s demise, according to a new study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. Researchers observed that while there are myriad ways people talk about love, two common ways of framing relationships — the “other half/soul mate” approach […]

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By |2019-11-10T20:00:33-05:00August 6th, 2014|Relationships|1 Comment
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