Balancing our individuality with intimacy in relationships
artist unknown
This theme is coming up quite a bit these days in client consultations and is an experience many of us share: How do we integrate our personal needs into the need to compromise and give up some things in our relationships? In fact, this theme is built into the astrological chart on the ascendant/descendant axis that marks the cusp of the first house of personal identity and the seventh house of partnership. It’s been a long time since I saw a seesaw in a park (too dangerous?) but the balance point of a seesaw is the aim of all of the opposing astrological forces. Until we find that balance point we end up seesaw-ing from one end to the other.
Howard Sasportas and Liz Greene coined the term the “freedom/closeness” dilemma (source) to describe the conflict between the basic need to attach and feel safe with another human being and the need to differentiate the Self and become more comfortable as an autonomous individual. This is a process that begins in infancy but it can become distorted and corrupted in certain family situations. But really, those of us with this dynamic were born with a propensity towards this conflict, and this is evident in our birthcharts.
Certain signs and planetary placements crave closeness and security, and others indicate a push for greater autonomy and freedom. The water and earth signs tend to crave attachment and safety; the air and fire signs yearn for freedom and space. Neptune, Venus and the Moon are connectors – Mars, Uranus and Jupiter are detachers.
Often in this kind of chart we see an individual who may be completely unaware of their need for space, who longs for connection but who […]
As an astrologer I am often asked for an analysis of compatibility between two charts. “Is this person my soulmate?” is usually the way the question is phrased. The idea that there is one perfect person who is just made for us, a “twin flame” as it is often described, is a captivating one. We may feel that once we find this perfect person, who harmonizes with us in every way, we would feel whole and complete and our lives would be made more satisfactory.