Musings on soulmates

Art by Elena Reznikova

At the Body, Mind, Spirit Expo that I worked in Raleigh a couple of weeks ago two readings brought up the question of soulmates in very different ways. One reading was for someone who had experienced a very intense connection with someone who then withdrew and later denied the connection had ever occurred.  This was incredibly confusing for her because when we experience this kind of connection it is undeniable.  She had come to see me at the February show when this first happened and several other readers at the show had told her that the gentleman in question was her soulmate and that everything would work out.  Now, six months later, that had not come to pass and she wanted to know why. The other reading was for a couple who had been married less than a year and while their connection is powerfully strong they were seeing incompatibilities that disturbed them.  An astrology reading pointed out where there might be communication issues and the needs that each one had in the relationship and how their differing energies could be used to help provide balance for each of them, but also where they would find challenges that need to be overcome.

These were two very different situations that exposed the true nature of the soulmate connection in very different ways.  The “New Age” movement has perpetuated a dangerous myth with the idea of the “Twin Flame” – the soulmate that is our perfect twin and completes us in every way.  Many of us would like to think that when we find our true soulmate we will live together with them in pure harmony and bliss and that our troubles will be over. I have posted on this before, and the fact that compatibility is very rarely present in true soulmate connections.  Compatibility occurs when two people are similar in every way, but this dynamic does not foster soul growth and personal evolution.  When we encounter a soulmate, someone we recognize immediately and to whom we feel at once deeply connected, we can be certain that this individual is coming into our life to stretch us and to bring healing and growth.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that we will end up married to them, and like the first person in this story, it doesn’t mean that we will necessarily even consummate a relationship.  I have seen situations with clients where a relationship came into their life like a thunderclap and then exploded, leaving them devastated.  But as a result their heart opened, and they were ready for a more balanced and loving relationship than they had been before.

For the couple in this story, the very qualities that they admired about each other were the ones that they found most difficult.  This is quite typical, since we often admire qualities in others that we lack in ourselves.  For example, let’s say one person has difficulty expressing their needs and they are drawn to a partner who is courageous and fearless in doing so.  Once they are in a relationship with each other, the partner who is unable to express themselves may quietly begin to resent the one who can do so rather than learn those skills.  If we simply react to each other, these relationships may not work out even though the partner is in fact a true soulmate. Which brings me to my next point: Soulmates aren’t necessarily for forever.  I have seen, both in my own life and in the lives of clients, that there are some people that come into our life for mutual learning and growth and then move on.  Sometimes, like in the case of the first client in this story, the soulmate isn’t ready for the intensity of the connection and runs away. Fate brings us together – free will gives us the option how we are to handle the situation.  If we are ready for the kind of soul growth that a soulmate relationship offers, and one soulmate connection fails to ignite, there will be another one to take its place.